I realize that 9o percent of our fights are my fault. I will be the first to admit. When i am hurt, angry, or most often scared i can be increditablely hurtful. But i want this and that scares me to be so vulnerable and exposed to another person- to him is sometimes more than i can take so i hurt him and try to push him away. Fucked up i know and i am trying to change because i dont want to ruin this because this can be so good. I mean its good not but it can be amazing if i could just let go and allow myself to fall

Old habits die hard! Fucking hard i tell you. My first implus when my boyfriend pisses me of is to Fuck someone else not to piss him off because i wouldnt want to but because having sex would make of feel better. But i cant and it sucks. Last night i said i wanted to have sex and he said no maybe later! Really? I miss my hoish days of years past

Did this boy really choose the celtics over having sex with me? Yes my life is a joke and your welcome to enjoy a laugh too. What is it about the weekend that always makes us fight, maybe it has something to do with all the alcohol and coke that gets consumed?

Did this boy really choose the celtics over having sex with me? Yes my life is a joke and your welcome to enjoy a laugh too.

Confession of a former cold-hearted bitch

Things have been interesting to say the least in my life. There has been a lot going on and I am overwhelmed but it’s a good sense of being overwhelmed if there is such a thing. But for the most part I am happy and a lot of that has to do with RR who is now going to be called Waldo. How do I begin to explain how I have been feeling? It’s been a rollercoaster but I have enjoyed every moment even the scary ones. I can’t remember the last time I felt so strongly about someone not even Brooklyn or HS compares to the kind of connection I have with him. It a foreign feeling for me to care about someone so much to want them so completely, it’s not love but it’s the closest I have been in a while. It can easily turn into that in and it scares me I don’t do well when someone has that power over me, when one word or action can hold so much emotional power over you. This weekend proved that he has that power over me and I wanted to end it because it is too much to risk my heart. But the thought of being without him was harder than the thought of being with him and risking being hurt. This can be something so good, I feel it and that’s why I fear it. I just love being around him. He can easily make me smile even when he pisses me off. Can call me on my bullshit and not afraid to tell me when he thinks I am wrong. Motivates me to do all the things I know I can. Can fuck me so good I can’t even speak all I can do is lay there and try to catch my breath. Lie in bed next to me and watch jeopardy and who wants to be a millionaire and still play along with me even though I always win. I will see and endure football and basketball games just to be around him. Deal with the stupidity of his frat brothers. Really I look forward to waking up next to him after a night spent intertwined with him. So there it is confessions of a former cold-hearted bitch.

I woke up this morning and i was still pissed. In fact i was more angry than i had been the night before. What happened to a new day is the start of a new beginning? Well, it seems the bullshit keeps building up in my life. But thats alright because i know what the best cure to bullshit is and i plan on talking a huge dose of you can go fuck yourself for the next couple of days.

Remember how i said i was all about the second chances? Well, i am not because i realize people never change. That your gut feeling about people is almost never wrong. I was right about HS and i am right about RR and trying to convince myself otherwise will only end up in heartbreak.