Couldn't have said it better myself

It's about to be a what? Girlfight!
--- B.Valentine

Rule number one of the Ghetto

I HATE GOSSIP this is the reason why i tend to have more guy friends than girlfriends. Its not to say that I don't but I try my best not to and anything i do say I would say it to your face if you asked me. See the thing that piss me off most about the whole situation with Ms. Ghetto Wannabe is the only thing i want form her to do is talk to me about what her issue is. I am not asking a lot am I? Even if she is telling are mutual group of friends it still pisses me off that everyone is in my business and asking my questions like why i ran away? WTF! It makes me so angry that I want to do something to really piss her off but I won't because in the end it accomplishes nothing even if it does make me feel better :)I don't know what to do? The thing is the reason that i didn't talk to her is because no one should force you into a room to talk to me because for me if you want something just fucking ask. If it an apology or a simple fuck you and go to hell. That would mean a whole lot more to me and i have a hell of a lot more respect for you. Fuck, it doesn't even have to be in person send me a message on facebook or myspace. A fucking smoke signal would suffice at this point. like I said the other day the more time that passes the less I care but i will not take me being the point of discussion at lunch because we graduated high school two years ago and she always talks about wanting to be 'more black', whatever the hell that means. Well, rule number one of the ghetto: Giving some one the heads up, meaning that if shit must be said, say it to my face and if we can't solve it verbally I am putting you on notice that its on. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Couldn't have said it better myself

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere else to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
----- sia

The boy is mine

I have never lost a friendship over a boy but I suppose there is a first time for everything. The thing is it doesn't bother me as much as it 'should' at first it got to me because no penis is worth the end of a friendship but the more i think about and the more time that has passed the less i care and the desire to fix the friendship is no longer there. i was given the chance to talk about it with the girl will call her Ms. Ghetto Wannabe but i decided against it because.... i don't know. My feelings are if we are as such good friends as you claim we were and what i did hurt you or whatever your feeling may be, why can't you come to me? We shouldn't have to be tricked to an awkward DC dinner by are mutual and resident black Dr. Phil friend. If you can't come to my face and say i hate you, your hurt me or just simply why, then we are not friends, at least not by my definitions.
Because when I really thought about what we know about each other what did i come up with? nothing. besides the superficial bullshit of you know where i grew up and how many sibling i have, what do we truly know of each other? I don't know where the blame lies for that.. on no one. I am trying to cut the bullshit out of my life.. its to short to be concerned with the things that in the long run don't mean anything she known me for a year but i have 18 other years of life and so does she that have shaped us both and if she hates me.. so be it because in the end it those who love us that really matter.
Although I must admit i can't stand the thought of anyone disliking me especially over something so trivial or maybe its only trivial to me and thats the problem? So to make along story there this boy and we will call him Mr. Daddy Big Dick ( take what you want from the nickname) anyways I hooked up with first one night and the same night he hook up with Ms. Ghetto fastfoward a couple weeks later and he is still hooking up with both of us except Ms. Ghetto doesn't find out and when she does it becomes an issue. issued solved and apologies made on both sides and they go out for about a month. A couple month later toward the end of the year and the beginning of this one we hook up more like have sex if i am being completely honest. She finds out and this is where we are today. Ugh I am unsure of what to do and need some advice. I am I wrong? I think so but i have to much pride and to stubborn to ever say so out loud

Couldn't have said it better myself

We've gone through to much bullshit just to mess with these drunken hot girls
--- K. West

Roomate Rule #1 Don't try to hook up with both roomates

`There has been so much going on.. I don't know where to begin. Well, even though i graduated high school in 2006, i am now in 14 grade because nothing has changed its the same bullshit drama that consumes your lives when your 14 like a black hole is doing the same thing at almost 20 years old. So my roommate had a drunken hook up with a mutual friend of ours(what else is new) our friend is to put it nicely is a big flirt and by flirt i mean he flirts with anything with a vagina and tits(I hate that word but i feel it is most appropriate). Now when its the morning after, you know when the alcohol induced fog starts to clear, and the realization that a twin XL bed can not fit two people no matter how much you 'cuddle', and that 7 am walk of shame in last nights fuck me pumps across campus is fast approaching, you start to think what the fuck did i just do? See the problem is that some people can't do casualness as was demonstrated in the dunk bitch episode we had a few weeks ago. Fast forward to the next drunken night and Z-Money( his own nickname not mine) is trying to hook up with yours truly. He not just your average flirt he is the touch feelly kind, Which leaves drunken bitch watching as her soon to be husband puts his hand up his her roommates skirt and starts kissing on her neck, In my defense I am a reformed slut and am currently enrolled in a 12 step slut reeducation process.
So i stopped him before anymore more than a drunken kiss could occur( see the old me would have fucked him if i was so inclined but i decided against that one)( inner slut 0 outer angel 1) I am sure this is the many of such events but let me hope against hope that it was the last ;0

Couldn't have said it better myself

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
--- Meredith Brooks

I think i might be a bitch?

I am a bitch, this is not some life shocking revelation. i have always been one probably from conception and i will probably die one. But lately i have been especially bitch everything and everyone pisses me off, and no i am not pregnant one would have to be having sex for that to happen but that a whole very depressing story that i might share later. Anyways, i've just come back from thanksgiving break and i don't want to fucking be here and i don't want to be home. So where does that leave me? Fucking nowhere? and it pissing me off. I don't know what my problem is and I guess at 19 I shouldn't? But I can't help but feel i am behind my peers when it come for the whole life plan thing that through the few sober moments we share everyone seems to have all planned out except me. But i know my feeling aren't unique quite the contrary I am in the majority but i can't help but feel alone, and the loneliness is overwhelming and its killing me.
I hate feeling alone even though i usually separate myself by choice from people, but it still gets to me on a much deeper level than i am used to. Is this growing up or maturing or whatever the fuck Dr. Phil would have to say about it. I don't know?! But what i do know that its scary and uncharted territory that is very foreign to me.

Lets eat and get fat

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

ps. I am going to try to post at least once a week. haha we'll see how long that one will last

What i am thankful for

Here are some of the things i am thankful for:

For my family, whom have been there for me for almost 20 years, and no it hasn’t always been easy because sometimes it feels as if the bonds that tie us together are stretched thin way beyond there breaking point, but somehow we always manage to come back stronger than ever.


For the few people in my life that I love. I know I don’t always say it but, know that when I do I mean it with every fiber of my being.

For my friends, old, new, lost ones, you have changed me.

For my mistakes they have taught me so much about myself but most importantly and hardest of all to forgive myself because I am human and flawed but my flaws are not fatal.

For Marci I have known you for almost 20 years and loved you since I was 7. Words can’t begin to describe what you mean to me. I love you always.


For this moment because nothing else is guaranteed and I am just starting to learn to live in it.