Love me. Want me.Choose me.

I don't understand love. All the risk that involved and all the pain, and for what? It seems to me that things moreover, people never change. That the same confusion that comes when you utter those three words and all the consequences that come with them being spoken remain no mater if we're 20 or 100 years old. Or maybe my 20 year old mind is confusing lust and infatuation with love.IDK but it all feels and hurt the same. Do people ever get their shit together and move on from the past, let it go and are willing to risk everything for only a tiny slice of happiness even if it not meant to last forever. I read some where that are lives are shaped by the people that don't love us. The one that got away for whatever reason, that walk out the door not knowing that you love them or even far worse not loving you back. If you were to get to know me one of your first conclusion about me would be that I probably have ice water running through my vain. And yes I know i do have a tendency to come of as bit of an ice princess but i am so much more than that. I am so sensitve to a fault that I surround my self in fortress of loneliness of my own choosing that I refuse to let anyone get in because then they could hurt me, and I am not sure that most people are worth the risk. Actually i am sure..they're not. I realize that this in no way to live my life but its all i know and when people hurt me with the little that i have let them inside of me, but at the same time i want so much more. I want love and affection and for someone to see and know my imperfection and still love me despite them.