L'Éternité

Simply it is one of my favorite poems and allows me to escape to a world that is not crashing down on me.

It has been found again.
What? – Eternity.
It is the sea fled away
With the sun.

Sentinel soul,
Let us whisper the confession
Of the night full of nothingness
And the day on fire.

From humain approbation,
From common urges
You diverge here
And fly off as you may.

Since from you alone,
Satiny embers,
Duty breathes
Without anyone saying: at last.

Here is no hope,
No orietur.
Knowledge and fortitude,
Torture is certain.

It has been found again.
What? – Eternity.
It is the sea fled away
With the sun.
---- Rimbaud

Murphy's Law

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong

I feel like my life has been taken over by Murphy's Laws. Yes, I am in my own world/hell that is governed exclusively by these laws. My personal and family life are falling apart.

Fuck.

nothing is going right or even well for that matter.

I can't stand to see my mommy sad, nothing makes me hurt more or feel more like a child then when my mom is sad.

Ugh but at the moment i need to focus on myself and handling my issues. Before i can do anything else i need to fix myself. I just hope that i am strong enoughs to do what i need to.

In the next two weeks everything going to change.

Has no one told you she not breathing

I don't know what to do
I am scared and alone.
I know I am strong and can handle this.
That this problem is of my own creation.
But I just want someone to talk to.
To understand me and not judge me and let me hurt.
Let me bury my head in their shoulder and cry until i feel like i can breath again.

My family or friends are not an option. There isn't anyone i trust enough not my mother ,sister and i can't think of a friend either. i just don't trust anyone to not just hear what i am saying but actually listen to what I said. Some people are to judgmental even with the best of intentions and i can't stand the thought of someone looking or think less of me or differently and i know that this will happen. So I'll keep it to myself.

But i do think that i am going to have to see a psychiatrist or a counselor because i am not ok.

Visual Expression of how i feel

Well, I never pray but tonight
I am on my knees

I am not dead

at least not yetmy poor neglected blog I will be back with vengeance that is if i survive final because i am up right now only because i have been at the library writing to paper and i am still not fucking done. But Its nap time because I really can't understand the finer parts of Cicero at the moment. But i do have a lot of stories and rambling to report including the cons of drunken hillbilly sex.

Time for my nap because thats all 4 hours of sleep can be considered and then back to Cicero.

My first HNT

"In the game of seduction, there is only one rule. Never fall in love."
- Cruel Intentions

But I threw you the obvious

I am pissed and I am not sure why and I am just not in a good mood. There a lot of things going on at home and school giving me more stress than i know how to deal with. You know when it rains it pours, well right now i am drowning. I am over it. I am seeing things and people more clearly and to quote the wise Andrea 3000 Roses really smell like boo, boo,boo. I am trying to close some chapters in my life. They have been written and reread far to many time to have any meaning... lesson learned over and over again. Its time to start something and someone new


enjoy...

The devil collects it

The video kind of freaks me out but the melody and the words are simple and beautiful



While you are away
My heart comes undone
Slowly unravels
In a ball of yarn
The devil collects it
With a grin
Our love
In a ball of yarn

He'll never return it

So when you come back
We'll have to make new love

He'll never return it

When you come back
We'll have to make new love

While you are away
My heart comes undone
Slowly unravels
In a ball of yarn
The devil collects it
With a grin
Our love, our love,
In a ball of yarn
He'll never return it

When you come back
We'll have to make new love
He'll never return it

When you come back
We'll have to make new love

He'll never return it

When you come back
We'll have to make new love

life is beautiful, sometimes

life is beautiful, i know that but that not how i feel at the moment. living is better than not and deafening nose is better than permanent silence but sometimes it take a lot of self convincing to believe even a piece of that. i don't know whats wrong with me but who really does. I think that we spend the rest of our lives trying to fix the chaos created by the first 18. Damn childhood, i should have been born at 30.

If you could hear inside my head, you'd here: