The hardest thing that i have ever attempted is to live in the present. All my emotions - all the anger and sadness that i have been feeling are wrapped up with people and events from the past. But those emotion consume my present. They are almost intoxicating and provide a constant sense of misery. I can't seem to find away to move on. I am too angry. How did I allow myself to waste so much time and effort with someone who obviously at the end of the day doesn't love and care about me the same way i do them and why did i waste my time with someone who has only caused chaos in my life from day one????
I think that these questions have a really simple answer that is hard to accept. Because i am human and i am made mistakes..... maybe? But thats not important. I think that i need to start looking at it for what it really is. A moment in the series if moments that make of your life, in my twenty years of life these are just more moments that strung together are a part of my life. Not my life and not who i am because i am so much them a series of moments, right?
So here come the hard part. Take a deep breath, acknowledge how you felt and how you feel. grieve and let it go. letting go of the past is kind of like a death, isn't it?
The mourning stops tonight. The funeral has been held and the dead are buried and cold. That what the tombstone is there for, to do remind you but not bind you to what is no longer present.
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