The illiusin of progress

There has been a lot of talk about change lately and i am calling bullshit on it. What threw me over the edge today was facebook. Its seems like everyone is talking about some kind of change they have made or want to acknowledge but to me nothing has really changed, in actuality it is all painfully the same.

i feel that any real substantial change is not the something one proclaims on your facebook status. It doesn't need to be announced or even acknowledged by another person.

Do i believe people can change? Sure why not but its probably one of the hardest things one can attempt because it requires the self acknowledgment in the responsibility of who you are. What i mean is that really change comes from the realization that it is not the people, situation, or events that made you who you are or act a certain way its- you. It always has been you, how you acted or perceived those people,situations, events, emotions, ect shaped you to be the person you are. No one else. Sure shit happens but shit has and will always happen living life is full of surprises like that.

Its giving up your victim status that the things that happen to you- the shitty things people do, the way the world can seem impossible fucked up when everything goes wrong all at once stop being your identity.

Hard shit to do at any age, but at 20 near impossible.

because people are still walking around with the burdens of the past of what she did to me, what he didn't say and the elephants in the room continue to grow. Nothing has really changes you just but a new face on the same shit but it still smells the same to me.

Or I could be wrong like I said real change doesn't need to be acknowledges by another human but with change comes actions and it starting to feel like groundhog day all over again.

So what about myself, have I changed? Now thats the million dollar question.

If I am being honest the last few weeks overall i have been feeling a lot sadder and lonelier than I can remember and in general I feel so unhappy.
but its ok because these are all things i feel not who i am. and i am learning to but space between the people, events, and emotions I have been feeling lately and seeing the bigger picture. At least I am trying to. Its like i am giving myself permission to feel the things I do, really for the first time I am letting myself acknowledge all these emotion and the causes but most importantly let them go because what you felt is not nearly important as how you feel.