you won the battle but lost the war

or maybe i won the war.
let's see if i can get a million thoughts into coherent sentences. So where do i begin..........

I am not sure what is harder to admit the truth to yourself or to some one else.I tried to explain my truth to HS and what i told him was the simple answers. Here are the more complex ones.

I think that the death our relationship can be split evenly between us, I would even say that a greater part rest on my shoulders because i don't care anymore and i haven't for a while nor am i willing to fight for it either.
I am not sure of the exact moment this happened and i don't think there is one. I think most relationships die little deaths before the final ending.
So much has changed. I have changed but somehow things with you remain the same and as much as i loved you i can't live like that anymore.So,I stopped letting it bother me because i accepted reality as it, not as i wish or more over imagined it to be. And it has been the most freeing feeling.When you can see someone clearly with out that haze of who you wish to see life becomes a little bit simpler.

Its important to know when to let go you can't stay in some perversion of the past. I mean you can, but i refuse to live my life like that anymore.I truly do believe that the people who are meant to be in your life will be there, come hell or high water. That what a friend is.I don't have many friends. Never have. Acquaintances, yes. you know the people who you say hi to, hang out with but still don't know anything that lies beneath your surface. Yup, i have a hell of a lot of those but friends those a rare gems indeed and i treasure them. You were my friend at one time but not anymore and you haven't been for awhile.If i have learned anything this year it is that i know what i want, what i deserve, what i am willing to fight for, and what i willing to let go of.

am I happy? no i wouldn't go that far but i am content. and for the first time in awhile happiness seems like an obtainable goal. Everyday i try to make active and conscious choices in my life To reaffirm to myself that way i want to live my life and that has echoed throughout ever aspect in my life. i truly do believe you get back what you put out into the universe. But first you have to but some stuff down, let it go or else it weighs you down so heavily you'll never reach anything new.

like i wrote in my and they lived happily ever after a part, post it comes down to a matter of self worth. It doesn't mean that you don't love the person or that there not important, its just that i love myself more and if someone can't honor and respect things that you find to be fundamental to who you are then it time to move on. I once wrote that I could fill a book with your bullshit so this the last page. This is how the story end.