A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left. -Marilyn Monroe
Friday, December 25, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
I am just saying....
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Confession of a former cold-hearted bitch
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The past shall not repeat itself
Monday, October 19, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
update
Paz, amor, y besos
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Musical Monday Musings
Don't know what I want
But I know it's not you
Keep pushing and pulling me down
But I know in my heart it's not you
or maybe i am just doing everything i can to convince myself of a lie
Saturday, October 3, 2009
How I Feel
And What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea
I do not want to hear another I love you that leaves me responsible for another person's heart because time and time will prove again that I am not worthy of such a gift.
Monday, September 14, 2009
musical monday musings
The other night I was laying in bed with RR(more on him later) and we were talking about love. I asked him if he has ever been in love. A question I love to ask because I am fascinated by something I’ve never had. I mean I have and do love people but I have never been in love. I always say I don’t know if I have been in love and he told me that when I asked him he immediate swelled with emotion and image of the person came to the forefront of his mind. This was one of the best answers I have heard. No, then I haven’t been in love then.
Paz, amor y besos
Friday, September 11, 2009
First Week
But the best and most surprising part is; guess who I talked to?
Miss Ghetto Wannabe.
I shit you not.
Paz, amor, besos
Monday, August 31, 2009
Musical Monday Musings
Some may accuse me of being as cold as stone and
rightfully do. But when i feel it, i feel it and i
am not afraid to say it.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Untitled
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Back!
till then
besos
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
TMI Tuesday 195
no, people have these?
2. When masturbating, as you reach orgasm, do you continue to stimulate yourself without interruption, or do you stop and apply pressure until your spasms subside? Or?
like the energizer bunny i just keep going and going.
3. Have you ever video'ed yourself while masturbating (solo)? Where are they now?
no.
4. Have you ever look at porn online? Have you ever posted at porn online?
yes, i know some good websites if you need them,
5. Do you send/recieve dirty email jokes and pictures?
yes, I have a collection of sorts
Bonus: Have you ever told someone they were good in bed when they weren't?
yes, god forgive me for the sin that keeps on giving.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Secret
Monday, July 6, 2009
Musical Monday Musings (no video edition)
I have to bring up in a conversation,
About a love that didn't last
But I would never call you mine,
'Cause I would never call myself yours
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Coming Undone
Sunday, June 21, 2009
I have this whole post i am writing about my family but until then...
Happy Father's Day. I love my daddy
Friday, June 19, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Musical Monday Musings (late)
There have been a lot of promises made to me lately. Promises of the heart are the hardest to keep, so I am wary of anyone who speaks of the future with such self assurance because the future is built upon uncertainties. So i am holding my breath to see how much a man and his word is really worth.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Happiness is like the old man told me Look for it, but you’ll never findlet it go, live your life and leave it Then one day, wake up and he’ll be home
FIGHT
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Musical Monday Musings(late)
Sometimes I think I need a reminder of the past just to keep the present in perspective because it is so easy to forget all the bad and remember the good. I have been thinking about the HS lately and i have come to several conclusions, all of which i had come to last summer but i had to make sure that nothing has changed- it hasnt. No regrets, its beautiful, when you can leave with you heart still intact with it being a little stronger and a lot wiser ready for the next chapter in your book of love. So far my next chapter has been a hell of a lot better than the last, lovely isn't it ?
And I don't understand what happened between you and me but
You will probably end up with someone half as good as me so
I don't care if you want to look in my eyes and say hello
You were blind to me, now I'm blind to you, no
--- safetysuit
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Some Shit Figured Out That
something about the summer time makes me want to be in a realtionship
I over thinking everything
I should do more and worry less
I have decided to make a list of what i would like to accomplish this summer
The only question that matters is: How much do you really want it?
Till some more shit is figured out...
Friday, May 29, 2009
Summer Days
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Hold my Heart
This has left me very confused. The whole notion of love is something i find better in idea than in practice.
I haven't written anything about this boy. So i will call him Southern Boy because he is originally from the dirty south. i met him on my 21 birthday in Boston and we have been talking ever since.
when someone tells you I love you it comes with some responsibility because you have that person's heart in your possession and i am not sure if i want that responsibility.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Apparently I am nothing
I dont feel like writing about this anymore so
i am so fucking annoyed for several reasons:
two of them involving the penis carrying species
both of which i would like to castrate at this moment
one stupid cunt(yes i said it) for causing me to act ignorant and had no idea how she almost had me experiencing a nigger moment which could have been potentially fatal because i don't know how she would have survived a 14 floor jump from the library.
What i wouldn't give to do this year over again
Monday, May 4, 2009
Musical Monday Musing
This past summer was a huge one for me for a lot of reasons. One of them being me finally getting over the Haitian Sensation and this song reminded me of why. I have never thought loving someone was reason enough for anything- to be with them especially. Love or what you think is love can act like an illusion blinding you to the truth of the person standing in front of you. So when my illusion was lifted what did it reveal? If that boy don't love you by now, then he never will and i deserved someone who is so much more than an illusion of love and i think i may have found it.
paz,amor,y besos
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Musical Monday Musing (lates as ususal)
now i don't believe in violence but i would make
the exception for HS because no one is more
deserving than him.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Aint Nothing Like A Brooklyn Boy
paz. amor, besos
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Back in action
No less than 24 hours had passed after i broke up with the boy than i was fucking someone else and as if the universe need to let me know exactly how fucked up i am in the middle of hooking up my phone rang with you know who on the other line.
It was nice.I missed the familiarity of his lips.
The way his scent lingers over my skin.
Funny he told me that his roommates missed the girl who always went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth in her panties.
Well you can tell them that I am back, i said.
paz
Sunday, April 19, 2009
I just want to be loved by you
I love you, has to be three of the most dangerous words in any language. They hold the same power, the same promise of intention, and the same ability to inflict pain. So when someone says I love you , that all i want is the chance to love you. When the sincerity can be heard in the inflection of their voice, when every bone is your body echoes with those words and you feel it comes from the purest and most unseen places of human intent.
Then why is i can't let go?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Musical Monday Musing (lates as ususal)
This past weekend was very very interesting, i went to see the boy in Brooklyn. I have some stories to tell for my mini adventure the highlights including:
cussing out his best friend
meeting the past girlfriend and current baby mama
dinner between the boy, my brother, and I
the whisper of the three most deadly words in any language
Saturday, April 4, 2009
There's is always some reason to feel not good enough
So, I called my boyfriend and broke up with him.
There is not a rational reason for me to.
So when he I asked why all i could say was:
"this is what i need"
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Musical Monday Musings (late)
just because:
I still hear you saying all of life is chance.
I lived. I lived a hundred life times in a day but I die a little in every breath that I take.
AmenTMI Tuesday
Yes, plenty of them.
2. Have you ever made or recieved a booty call?
yes, but not in awhile.
3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?
no.
4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?
12 or 11
5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?
7 years.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
T.M.I Tuesday # 178
1. Don't tell us what it is, but do you have a sexual secret you have never told anyone?
yes, I have a few actually.
2. Do you have a nonsexual secret you have never told anyone?
yes.
3. Did you ever tell someone a secret only to have them spill it? What were the repercussions?
yes and I was really hurt at first but i honesty expect nothing less from him now.
4. Did you ever spill a secret someone told you? What were the repercussions?
no i am a good secret keeper.
5. Tell us a secret someone told you, however along ago, that you've never told. (You can disguise name or details)
Monday, March 16, 2009
Musical Monday Musing( no video edition)
You know you’re my saving grace
You’re everything I need and more
--- halo
So i am a big believer that the universe puts in front of you exactly what you need. I think the boy is just what i needed. I am slowly letting myself just be in the moment and right now i am happy.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
- talk of love makes me physically ill.
- i kind of miss the boy... maybe just a little bit
- this weekend the boy is spending the weekend at my house while my parents are away. This should be interesting to say the least
- i miss my family but i know when i get home on friday that will all change
- its days like this that make me wish i liked to smoke and i am not talking about cigarettes.
- I am really not a fan of angry text messages. i mean honestly, really you would not say that ish to me in person or on the phone so don't get ignorant because your fingers got bold all of the sudden you think you can talk shit ,excuse me type shit. I think not.
- its my sister birthday on friday!
- all i ever want was a simple way to get over you
- its technically friday, right now
- i am a little drunk
- i am in here like bitch whats up
Monday, March 9, 2009
There is a stone in my heart
Last night i had this moment after we hung up the phone. literally after 5 mins i missed him and called him back because i missed his voice and how he makes me feel. Honestly, i haven't felt like that for so long and it feels nice. But at the same time as much i miss and want him i do really fucked up things that if he found out i know he would probably hate me. i can't stop myself. I mean i can but i don't want to. i don't know whats wrong with me its like i want to give him a reason to break up with me and then i can justify my actions as i always knew he would leave me eventually.
i am all kinds of fucked up and then some.
But then again you already knew that
paz, amor, besos
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
update
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Musical Monday Musings( really really late)
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Drunk Bloging
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
TMI Tuesday #172
It depends but I have to say there is something to waking up wrapped up in the arms of someone you care about.
2. What do you think there is a appropriate amount of time for a divorce parent to date before introducing the kids to the "new" "special" person in their life?
6 months at the very least.
3. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed... romance, experimentation or foreplay?
experimentation is always good.
4. What do you thinks makes a kiss great?
It a fine kiss is a delicate balance of a few elements
5. Describe your sex life in two words.
fuck me
Bonus (as in optional): Do you remember a time when you were having sex that you smile or even laugh about now? Do tell....
Every time I walk by my lounge I can't help but smile.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Musical Monday Musings
Saturday, January 31, 2009
25 Random Things about ME!!!!!!
1. I hate the Disney channel.
2. I know how to swim but am afraid of the water but I would love to live by the ocean one day.
3. There are 2 openly gay people in my family.
4. I want to travel the world.
5. I hate when people asking me what are you or what are you mixed with.
6. I don't believe in god but i am not an atheist.
7. My older brother is one of my favorite people in the world and someone I admire greatly.
8.I have never been in love.
9. I have commitment issues that would make George Clooney look well adjusted.
10. I don't particular care to get married.ever.
11. I am a really good liar although I hate to lie and try to be honest.
12. I searching for what I am passionate about because I am convinced that is the secret to happiness.
13. i will probably become a vegetarian by the age of 25.
14. I am a forgiving person and don't see it as a flaw. The ability to let go is very freeing.
15.I think I am an extremely good judge of people character. Not in a judgmental way just matter of fact I am good at seeing passed the bullshit.
16. One of my favorite places to be kissed is on my stomach.
17. I get bored with sexual partners easily.
18. My mother once said she thinks I am going to end up with a white man.
19.I am a huge believer in karma. That you get out what you put out in the universe.
20. I like being alone.
21. I am extremely shy. Although most people would think otherwise.
22. I am not afraid of death its dying that scares me.
23. I worry about the type of people my younger brother and sister will turn out to be.
24. Addiciton runs deep in my family.
25. I have another blog.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
WW #40
Yes, I would with out question.
2.) How often do you watch porn?
more than I think is normal for any well adjusted person.
3.) How many people have naked or semi-naked pictures of you?
only 1
4.) When having sex with someone, have you ever fantasized about someone else? If yes, explain why you were thinking of someone else during sex.
This happened last night actually. I was just thinking how much i prefer the other person and damn how flexible I've become
.) Is there ever an appropriate time to lie to someone and push yourself off as single when truthfully you're not?
NO
6.) Who is one person who has changed your life and how did they change things for you?
HS for all for his bullshit he has changed me mostly for the better.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Musical Monday Musings(late as usual)
I had to do it. I had to make sure I was over him. I know when I tell Atl there is a good possibility that he won't want to be with me anymore but i needed to make sure I was ready. I am. No one else compares the whole time I was thinking how he is no you. I promise that was the last time.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
TMI Tuesday #170
No
2. What is your type?
I don't have a physical type but there are certain personality traits that are a must.
3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?
Marco Polo invited by moi . I will explain it later.
4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?
No
5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?
Yes, a number of time actually
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
TMI Tuesday #169 - Back to TMI (late as usual)
Right now its a 0 because I haven't had sex in weeks but in general its an 8.
2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?
Depends on who the person is. Atl and I first kiss was like that when he pushed me against the wall in the elevator. Probably the best first kiss I have ever had.
3. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done or said to you?
Put roses and love letters in my locker.
4. Where is the most unusual place you have ever had sex?
Its not unusual per say but in the library
5. How do you liked to be kissed
good question. I am not really a fan of kissing
Monday, January 12, 2009
Musical Monday Musings
I would just like to share the five words that Atl said to me when we were having a heated conversation:
You are astonishingly emotionally underdeveloped.
Astonishingly, really?
Saturday, January 10, 2009
I Hate........
liars
weather under 70F
the thought of you with her
that i can't handle my chicken
i am few weeks from turning 21 and i feel like my body is falling a part
like now i pardon me while i puke
paz
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Musical Monday Musing (lates as ususal)
I happen to be a huge fan of spoken word poetry and HBO def jam poetry first introduced me to this exquisite art form. The reason i chose this one is because I feel like I am at this point in my life.
I will explain more later...
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Gautama Siddharta
No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.
It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes.





