Musical Monday Musings (late)

just because:

I still hear you saying all of life is chance.

I lived. I lived a hundred life times in a day but I die a little in every breath that I take.

Amen

TMI Tuesday

1. Have you ever sent or recieved a sext message
Yes, plenty of them.
2. Have you ever made or recieved a booty call?
yes, but not in awhile.
3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?
no.
4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?
12 or 11
5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?
7 years.

LOVE

T.M.I Tuesday # 178

1. Don't tell us what it is, but do you have a sexual secret you have never told anyone?

yes, I have a few actually.

2. Do you have a nonsexual secret you have never told anyone?

yes.

3. Did you ever tell someone a secret only to have them spill it? What were the repercussions?

yes and I was really hurt at first but i honesty expect nothing less from him now.

4. Did you ever spill a secret someone told you? What were the repercussions?

no i am a good secret keeper.

5. Tell us a secret someone told you, however along ago, that you've never told. (You can disguise name or details)

I'll pass on this one.

Musical Monday Musing( no video edition)

You know you’re my saving grace
You’re everything I need and more
--- halo



So i am a big believer that the universe puts in front of you exactly what you need. I think the boy is just what i needed. I am slowly letting myself just be in the moment and right now i am happy.

Half Nekkid Thursday

Strike a pose

I am sitting here at the library on the 14 floor, where i am supposed to be doing my work but i am not. Which isn't very surprising considering at this very moment i rather be drinking or fucking and would gladly take both or one or the other. But i have a few unorganized thoughts in my mind so some bullet points are in order. So hopefully i can start studying for my test and quiz that are manana.

• talk of love makes me physically ill.
• i kind of miss the boy... maybe just a little bit
• this weekend the boy is spending the weekend at my house while my parents are away. This should be interesting to say the least
• i miss my family but i know when i get home on friday that will all change
• its days like this that make me wish i liked to smoke and i am not talking about cigarettes.
• I am really not a fan of angry text messages. i mean honestly, really you would not say that ish to me in person or on the phone so don't get ignorant because your fingers got bold all of the sudden you think you can talk shit ,excuse me type shit. I think not.
• its my sister birthday on friday!
• all i ever want was a simple way to get over you
• its technically friday, right now
  
• i am a little drunk
• i am in here like bitch whats up
  

There is a stone in my heart

Sometimes i think to myself that if i could let go i could really fall in love with this boy. I am only 21 years old i am to young to be this cynical of love. its not that i am even afraid of the lack of permanence that i think love lacks its the right now that scares me. He makes me feel vulnerable and i hate it. The last person to made me feel like that caused more damage than good so now i feel that i am kind of stuck. Its not like i am stuck on him because I don't love him in that way anymore nor do i want to, but i still think i have some baggage that coming into this new relationship. Which isn't fair to him or me.
Last night i had this moment after we hung up the phone. literally after 5 mins i missed him and called him back because i missed his voice and how he makes me feel. Honestly, i haven't felt like that for so long and it feels nice. But at the same time as much i miss and want him i do really fucked up things that if he found out i know he would probably hate me. i can't stop myself. I mean i can but i don't want to. i don't know whats wrong with me its like i want to give him a reason to break up with me and then i can justify my actions as i always knew he would leave me eventually.

i am all kinds of fucked up and then some.
But then again you already knew that
paz, amor, besos