Coming Undone

Shit is falling apart and i feel so alone. I am alone. I am watching my family fall apart by the seams. The lies so delicately sewn together fall apart so easily. I dont want to pretend but reality is too much to bare . I am just so angry. So filled with rage that its starting to seep through my pores.

It's a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you--when he comes down from the mountain and you see he's this man with weakness. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead
I have this whole post i am writing about my family but until then...
Happy Father's Day. I love my daddy

Musical Monday Musings ( better late than never)

I am feeling this song for so many reasons ;)

Musical Monday Musings (late)

There have been a lot of promises made to me lately. Promises of the heart are the hardest to keep, so I am wary of anyone who speaks of the future with such self assurance because the future is built upon uncertainties. So i am holding my breath to see how much a man and his word is really worth.

Happiness is like the old man told me Look for it, but you’ll never findlet it go, live your life and leave it Then one day, wake up and he’ll be home

Today I got a phone call from Brooklyn and 2.5 hours later i am wishing I never picked up the phone. Not because it was bad but because all those feelings i worked hard to push away erupted back to the surface once i heard his voice again. I realized that love is simple. Its people(me) that complicated, messy and fucked up

FIGHT

Fight. You have to fight. Anything worth having you have to be willing to risk everything in the pursuit of it. This is just the beginning....

I wish I could find a way to keep my heart from loving you

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Musical Monday Musings(late)

Sometimes I think I need a reminder of the past just to keep the present in perspective because it is so easy to forget all the bad and remember the good. I have been thinking about the HS lately and i have come to several conclusions, all of which i had come to last summer but i had to make sure that nothing has changed- it hasnt. No regrets, its beautiful, when you can leave with you heart still intact with it being a little stronger and a lot wiser ready for the next chapter in your book of love. So far my next chapter has been a hell of a lot better than the last, lovely isn't it ?
And I don't understand what happened between you and me but
You will probably end up with someone half as good as me so
I don't care if you want to look in my eyes and say hello
You were blind to me, now I'm blind to you, no
--- safetysuit