I woke up this morning and i was still pissed. In fact i was more angry than i had been the night before. What happened to a new day is the start of a new beginning? Well, it seems the bullshit keeps building up in my life. But thats alright because i know what the best cure to bullshit is and i plan on talking a huge dose of you can go fuck yourself for the next couple of days.

Remember how i said i was all about the second chances? Well, i am not because i realize people never change. That your gut feeling about people is almost never wrong. I was right about HS and i am right about RR and trying to convince myself otherwise will only end up in heartbreak.

The past shall not repeat itself

I am not sure whether I should thank or curse the universe but consider this my official thank you note. Life is tragically funny like that giving you a dose of reality when you are blindly ready for anything but that. I have already taken the boys who prove themselves to be constantly unworthy of your love class and although I didn’t do to well the first semester, I came in with an A in lessons learned. I mean like with HS some of those signs were there in the beginning but stupid me wasn’t ready for a dose of reality and took stupidity constantly instead. So at this point it is what it is and I can’t help it if I like him emotions are stupid like that- irrational little monsters that they are. I am a believer in second chance but I don’t believe in repeating the past so caution is a must as I continue but hey, what’s life without a little bit of danger?

Remember when i was talking about how you can see a relationship heading straight for disaster? Well it happened between RR and i am not even sure how the argument started but before i knew it was full blown and i was leaving his room with out any pants because i couldnt find them and if called me a hoe. I mean really i probably would have been more offended if if called me a bitch. But he did apologize and everything was fine until the next day(i am sensing a little bit of a reoccurring theme) and it may have had something to do with him doing coke and drinking but he was calling me a little girl and how fucked up i am. Which the latter i can agree with him but in the end it turned out alright as he let himself be vulnerable with me and even cried.

update

I am at the library where I am supposed to be writing a paper but as you can see my post I am not. In fact I am going back to my dorm where I can do some brainstorming read a little and start my essay which is due at 10am tomorrow. Also I want to watch the hills at 10, yes I have my priorities straight. I just have a lot on my mind more than is race a social construct or not. I was thinking about how much has changed in the last four years I am a different person but somehow the same. It’s strange this whole growing up thing. Not just me but everyone I know has been transformed. I have so much I want to write about so many stories but so little time unless I am procrastinating like I am now. Le sigh….. I think I might have found someone who likes sex more than I do and I can’t even keep up can you believe it? But I do think this relationship is going to end up in a fiery mass of shit. A combination of things that are destined to explode sooner or later, I am just not sure which one it is. You know, I just feel him. I want to be able to fuck anyone I want which is why I broke up with my boyfriend and he is not into that at all. Which is alright for now but I know myself and that won’t last long. Even if I do like him and I do but that won’t stop me for long. Not to mention he get jealous way to easily and I flirt to much. That alone like smoking is a deal breaker. A little jealous I can understand it happens to the best of us even moi but it drives me crazy when someone is overly jealous. Alright I am out back to the bat cave to try to at least get an outline of my paper done then back to the library after the hills to write it.

Paz, amor, y besos

Musical Monday Musings

Don't know what I want
But I know it's not you
Keep pushing and pulling me down
But I know in my heart it's not you


or maybe i am just doing everything i can to convince myself of a lie

How I Feel