Unthinkable

Yea it is unthinkable.
I love him.

I am just saying....

f you are going to love me, love me deeply. If you break my heart, then break it all. If you are going to care, care for me completely. If you decide not to hold me, then just let me fall. If you are going to stay, then stay forever. And if you want to leave, then do it today. If you are going to change, change for the better. And if you are going to talk, then please mean what you say

I realize that 9o percent of our fights are my fault. I will be the first to admit. When i am hurt, angry, or most often scared i can be increditablely hurtful. But i want this and that scares me to be so vulnerable and exposed to another person- to him is sometimes more than i can take so i hurt him and try to push him away. Fucked up i know and i am trying to change because i dont want to ruin this because this can be so good. I mean its good not but it can be amazing if i could just let go and allow myself to fall

Old habits die hard! Fucking hard i tell you. My first implus when my boyfriend pisses me of is to Fuck someone else not to piss him off because i wouldnt want to but because having sex would make of feel better. But i cant and it sucks. Last night i said i wanted to have sex and he said no maybe later! Really? I miss my hoish days of years past