Since things have been shitty in my life i have decided to put some positive energy into the universe. In that case, five things that make me happy:
1.Romeo smile it is absolutely beautiful.
2. Cooking i love creating and eating good food.
3.Sex...good sex is something that can always put a smile on my face.
4.Writing and drawing wheni actually get the chance is incrediblely releasing. I miss it.
5.Being in love :)

Difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed, and passed over....

Today goes down as one of the worst days of my 22 years of life and i feel more alone then ever. All I wanted was to talk to Romeo to have someone tell me that I can and will get through this but i have learned the hard way, once again to rely on myself. This is the second time in a handful of days that he has made me feel pushed aside and today was just soul crushing. I cant begin to explain that for the first time since I have known him and actually opened up about all the shit that has been going on in my life, he cant be there for me. Couldn't take ten fucking seconds to text me a simple: are you ok? I don't ask a lot of the people I love, I really don't but when i do I expect you to be there. There is a reason i don't let people in because they always end up disappointing you when you least expect it but need them the most. Haitian Sensation,Romeo same shit different relationship but the same crushing pain when you realize who the person really is is like nothing you have imagined. I am a forgiving person and after Romeo list of excuses why when i needed him most he couldn't be there, apology accepted but relationship over. This ia a scary time in my life and i have learned that you have to always stand alone and save yourself. I really did think that I could have relied on Romeo but I cant so I took my ring off and am preparing to do battle by myself-again.

Also in my 22 years of life i have never had a bruise until now. Well black people do bruise at least this black girl does.

Trust is the foundation that a strong relationship has to be built on. I dont trust Romeo and with good reason, so where does this leave our relationship? It leaves it crumbling and love leaves it complicated. All i know for sure are two things; i want to be happy and i cant be with someone i dont trust. My mind knows what the answer is to achieve both but my heart is in complete conflict with what my mind knows to be true. When the heart and mind are not in sync and it is causing chaos. But with chaos comes serenity... Eventually, right?

Musical Monday Musings(late as always)

I havent done one of these in awhile and its late as usual.
But I heard this song this morning and it immediately caused
mw to give it my fully attemtion.
Beautiful, it reminds me of all the things I love about Romeo.
I texted him the lyrics this morning after hearing it :
But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
and after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you



Enjoy.

End Of An Era

You should never blog when angry but I was never one for following the rules.
How many times have I been here before? All the evidence laid out in front of my eyes,screaming ringing in my ears but still i refuse to believe. I must be a glutton for this type of punishment. I will say that I do have a spot in my heart for HS always in my heart but not in my life anymore. At the moment I am at the borderline of hate. I hate him so much it burns me to think i care so much about this person. I don't ask much from people who I view as my friends but I guess I expect to much and receive to little from him to ever be in that category again. I really cant believe I wasted so much time and energy into him. My God, how stupid could I be? Really it makes me sad that it has come to this i really did think we could have been friends. But time has proven me wrong again.
If anything I mourned the loss of my illusion him a long time ago so this was just a slap of reality to remind me to let go of the ghost of the past. I realize my anger will dissipate within hours but the hurt is all that remains and no one has hurt me more than him. I am not even writing all the things I really feel, so much hurt. I am done.
But i do wish him only goods things lots of love and happiness for the present and the future.
Alright i feel better, tomorrow will be a good day.
Paz, amor, y besos

I have to remember to thank the universe for giving me someone like Romeo. I dont believe in a soulmate as in there is only one person out of some six billion people out there only meant for you. Instead I like to think that there are any number of people who would be a good fit for you depending on where you are in your life. Which is also why i am not a fan of marriage in general. The idea that you are supposed to spend your life with one person doesnt ring true to me. But i would marry Romeo,crazy huh? Even if i knew it would last until death do us part, i would still do it.